Pregnancy ended on 16.09.2008

My pregnancy ended on the 16.09.2008.

After all the spotting, abnormal bleeding, cramps and abdominal pains... all the investigations, test, scans... showed my baby wasn't growing on as per expected rate. Blinking heart which we (my hubby and I) saw on 22.08.2008 from the scan was gone by the 13.09.2008, we were warned that there is a chance that i need to terminate my pregnancy. Before, visiting Prof. i felt that my tummy wasn't growing as well, so i had my heart prepared for the worst. It was true. On the 13.09.2008, it was confirmed and finalised, that baby wasn't growing. I have to terminate my pregnancy.

I was so upset. Cried. Didnt know how hubby felt... was so overwhemled with my feelings and hurts. But could see thru' his eyes... he was upset as well. Assuring words from my hubby is always comforting and bring healing to my my broken heart. Didnt know what to say to him. I said "sorry". Couldnt bring pregnancy to term, and to complete our family. I had failed.

Went home straight after the consultation. Called my mum, told her about it, as well as my mum-in-law and bosses. Scheduled termination of pregnancy on the 16.09.2008.

On the 15.09.2008, seeked for second opinion. Same answer.

On the 16.09.2008, went for the surgery accompanied by hubby. He is always so supportive, assuring and understanding. Told me repreatedly that we can start afresh, not to worry, my safety is paramount, and he loves me. The surgery was only 15 mins. I was out from the operating theater within 30 mins. I knocked out with Dormicum, Fentanyl... during surgery. Only wake, to see nurses around me asking me to breathe... and the throught of my baby came... and i felt my tummy and... i cried. The feeling of emptiness just overwhlemed me.

Finally, today... when i recalled what had happened. I didnt cry, just felt the lost of our baby. Decided to blog it, so that we will always remember the lost of our baby. How precious, how happy, how excited, how careful my hubby and i was with my diet, how heartache, and how we missed this baby... baby will be remembered.