almost a month still counting...

It's almost a month after my dad's death. Dont know why, why I am counting the days that gone by without him. Things he did and all the places that he had gone. Guess I am sad still. So when will saddness be gone? I dont know, all I know "M O V E O N" my life (i said)... busy working still... busy with life... busy with my wedding preparations...

Oh yes my wedding has to be held within a hundred days from the day of my dad's death, if not I had to wait and delay my wedding plans for three years or so (why are all these practices??? i dont know if you ask me). All my anuties, uncles and my mum, wishes was not to see my plans delay and to continue my wedding plans as planned. But its so different and difficult without my dad now. I wanted so much, so much my dad to walk me down the asiel, wearing the bartik shirt I bought especially for him (which was bought just before i received a call that he had passed away) ... my wedding card (wanted my dad to review the card for advise) that bears his name to wed me off to my love. But all that had changed forever, no more walking down the asiel with my dad instead walking down the asiel myself... a wedding card that bears my mama's name to wed me off... Things has changed, and I felt all strange to wed at this timing.

While I was all alone at home was bored and was going thru' all the "march in" music, I cried. Tears just flowed and flowed. Tears just cant stopped just because I heard this song over the radio (emontional being... "M O V E O N!" i said. i turned off the radio and cool off myself with a cold bath)... and I always loved this song written by Luther Vandross "Dance with my father"

Back when I was a child
Before life removed all my innocence
My father would lift me high and dance
With my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk
Another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was alseep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step
One final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear now my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you dont do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance wit my father again
Every night I fall alseep and this is all I ever dream...